What Does John Sterling Do On Vacation?

I type this entry sitting on a chair in the TV room.  The heat emanating from my laptop makes my testicles warm. 

Frankly, I'm surprised that the tablet and smartphone companies haven't run "No More Sweaty Laptop Balls" campaigns before.  This is really uncomfortable.

So with thoughts of warm testicles and the sound John Smoltz's voice as my backdrop, I begin to think about a simple question.

What does John Sterling do on vacation?

Not since 2008 has John Sterling powered down his microphone so early and without so much as one playoff stroll down the first base line by Robinson Cano.

For a man so used to jet planes and West Coast Stadium Salads, John Sterling must hate the early days of the offseason.  Who wants to stay around the house all day?  To find your dinner in your own fridge?

Part of me likes to think that he hopped a first-class flight to a five-star hotel where he can drink ginger-infused lemonade and watch ads for in-room adult entertainment to his right forearm's content.  Or maybe his left forearm's -- I don't know which hand he uses.  I'm OK with that.

But another part of me says John Sterling isn't that kind of guy.  Especially in a contract year.  It's entirely possible that he's listening to tapes of every word he said, every noise he made, during this forgettable season.  Working on his timing.  Working on his timbre.  Always improving.

So what do you think?