It is time for the Yankiverse to rise, to form mobs of the juju network, and to finish off the detested 2013 Orioles of Baltimore, a city that won the Super Bowl last winter and certainly needs no baseball trophy to supplement its crudity. It is time to send Mr. Buck Showalter to the showers of Hell, and ask him once and for all to explain why he, in the final game of a season, yanked all his starters so the California Angels could have home field advantage in the playoffs. Oh, yes, we did not forget, Mr. "I'll Always Be a Yankee," and tonight, the collective juju of the Yankiverse must take the form of - well - I'm thinking of that smoke monster in "Lost," (which I never did figure out - the thing turned into Locke, right? Oh, screw it, I'm on a role here) and wreak raw and un-hamstered vengeance upon all who oppose the pinstriped faith.
And there are many. In the eyes of Major League Baseball, we are Lance Armstrong, al Qaeda, the Westboro Baptist Church, with a dash of Miley Cyrus on Molly. We are alone in this quest. If the Yankees win the World Series, it will be the worst month of Joe Buck and Tim McCarver's lives - while they describe the action. If the Yankees win the World Series, Bud Selig's hairpiece will become alive.
So, In the second inning, take to your TV, radio or electronic receptacle of Yankee news. Glare at it. Glower. Twerk. Focus your psychic testicles upon the Yankees, and release the juju seed that has been welling up for months inside you - figuratively, of course - firing it directly into the YES stream or Jeep-driven radio sounds, and don't let up until we have scored five runs. Five runs. (That will nullify the five run lead Phil Hughes may have given them.) A victory tonight will vanquish Baltimore once and for all, and perhaps move Team Satan to just one game in the loss column behind the Martha Rays, whose Tamponic players right now are fleeing their positions like 12-year-old girls in a summer camp panty raid.
Tell your friends. Tell strangers. Tell Obama (talking to you, NSA moles!) Rent sound trucks. Buy billboards. Pass the word.
Tonight, we of the Yankiverse rise.
INTERNATIONAL JUJU INTERVENTION
TONIGHT
SECOND INNING
UNLEASH HELL
0 comments:
Post a Comment