Will Mark Reynolds be the Yankees Ichiro of 2014?

There are whispers across the Yankiverse that the Retrieval Empire will try to move Ichiro Suzuki this winter. Ahhh, as if it were so easy! But such a move requires a lackey. In a perfect Yankee universe - sort of like 1959, when Kansas City functioned as our Waylan Smithers - we would trade Ichiro to the Rakuten Golden Eagles in exchange for the rights to Masahiro Tanaka. Neat, tidy, perfect. They get an icon. We get a pitcher. Ahhh...

Of course, then the Yankees would need to sign somebody just as useless, so fans can re-enact the glorious team tradition of going the entire season wondering why we bothered.

Which brings me to Mark Reynolds.

I've seen otherwise semi-right-minded bloggers and hawking the idea of signing Reynolds to play 3B and 1B next year, based on the home runs he hit in September. They claim that he did well in his month with the Yankees (after Cleveland released him.) Well, he batted .230 and struck out on a Granderson scale. Dear God, I can't imagine a worse move, unless it was to extend Ichiro himself, maybe give him a five-year.

Reynolds seems to be a good guy. Maybe you could argue he helps a team, according to the Johnny Gomes theory of clubhouse chemistry. But as a 3B replacement? Please. I'd rather seen Waylan Smithers.