"The Yankees didn't clean house. In fact, rather than fire scouts or instructors, the team is bringing more of them on."
Great. Just great. Well, here are some ideas for long-term development of the Yankees:
1. Never hold onto a first-round draft pick. Sign free agents that eliminate our top pick, so other teams always get first dibs on new talent. This worked well in the 1980s. (See Wally Joyner.)
2. Sign or trade for players in their mid to late 30s - that is, on the decline. Nobody else wants them. They're cheap! Plus, you can clog up your system, getting a .220 average from Vernon Wells or Travis Hafner, instead of giving Zolio Almonte a chance. It's always better to have players on the way down. Plus, they're famous!
3. Because you have no room for young players on the big team, bundle them or trade them individually for old-timers (See No. 2.) Nobody will care. Take, for example, the trade for Ichiro with Seattle. Everybody said it was a giveaway - we got a future Hall of Famer, and they got nothing. Well, actually, the Mariners received their closer. (Yep, they have a closer; we're looking to sign one. Like Joe Nathan!) (See No. 2) Then there is Cody Black, the young pitcher we gave up for Alfonso Soriano. Everybody knows Sori will hit all next season the way he did in September, right? Those years with the Cubs - they didn't happen. (See No. 2!)
4. Give up on players.The Cardinals didn't bring up Matt Carpenter until age 25, and that was a cup off coffee. He started at 26. You already hear drums beating farewells for Gary Sanchez and Slade Heathcott, or the poster boys for Yankee draft incontinence - Cito Culver and Dante Bichette Jr. Do you realize, they are both 21? To hear the bloggers scream, they should be booed from the game. Ahhh... but that brings us to...
5. The fans. You hear this often: The Yankees can't develop players because of the unrealistic expectations of their fan base. Yep. It's our fault. It's those goddamn fans. If only the Yankees didn't have any! Well, folks, keep buying geriatric wards - three years of Carlos Beltran? Come on - while letting the youngsters rot, and you might just get your wish.
Listen: If the gentlemen of the club - the front office bozos with their velcro wrist-straighteners and their special chairback supports - can do nothing more than blame the bloggers and the critics - well, get the hell rid of them. Yeah, we bloggers may be nuts, but it's because we care. And this is crazy, but you need the nutjob fan base more than you need 100 more traveling bureaucrats. Most of all, you need somebody at the top with the balls to toe a line and hold it. Yoo-hoo, anybody listening?
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