Gomorrah v. Tampa: With umps and syringes in our pocket, the Damned Yankees head south

The Evil Empire (TM) - (Note: The Levine Dream Team should also trademark "Spawns of Satan" and "Evildoers from Hell" - is grinning today, from lawyer to lawyer, as our club of demons - led by Osama bin Arod - heads to the God-fearing, Koran-burning capital of the world - Florida - hoping to fling more innocent children into yet another sinkhole straight to hell. To scare them witless, we should play in hoodies.

That's the story arc of Major League Baseball's media, where anyone with a keen moral compass must root against the Yankees - the team of Arod Hitler - because, well, if you have be told why, you might as well swear allegiance to the Beastmaster yourself.  It's like tapping your toes to that Daft Punk song, "Get Lucky:" Everyone else is doing it. So get with the program!

Yesterday, the Yankees deliciously proved that the umpires too can act as useful tools of Satan - with not one but two blown calls on a sinking liner to center. On the YES Network, Michael Kay and David Cone belched sulfur about the Yankees lucking out on the call.  But the following inning, The Master and Mrs. Yogi were grousing over the Yankees being screwed by the bad call in center. Jeez. It's confusing when the sons of George Satanbrenner take the reigns.

Let's face it: As Yankee fans, we have no choice but to revel in our supreme evil.

For supporting this team, I will burn in Hell.

I will stand before a dark tribunal, led by a three-headed demon - each with the face of Bud Selig but a different hairpiece - and each gavel blow will have the impact of a Ryan Dempster fastball hitting my ribs.

For eternity, I will sit in a dugout between Bobby Valentine and Tim McCarver, hands stuck to my mouth with pine tar, while the 2004 ALCS is rerun on NESN.

All because I sided with Satan in this nightmare 2013 season.

Ah, but it will be worth it... YES, IT WOULD BE WORTH IT... just for that wondrous glimpse of the Apocalypse... Bud Selig style:

The Yankees, led by Darth Va-Rod, win the World Series on a blown call, obvious to everybody but the ump who botches it.

This comes at 2 a.m., following a two-hour rain delay that Bud Selig himself ordered, because it seemingly would hurt the Yankees' chances.

After the game, the $25 million-per-year Commissioner refuses to come into the Yankee locker room to award the World Championship trophy. Instead, Vladimir Putin is sent, in the hope that he will steal A-Rod's ring.

Ahhhhhhh, a two month run, in exchange for eternity in hell? What choice do we have?