Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Hello, Mr. Selig? Are you there? Can somebody pick up! Do you know that a Redsock is dating a porn star?

Hello, hello?, I'm calling for Mr. Selig? Hello? Anybody there?

Well, I'm livid. LIVID!  I just heard on the news that a Boston Redsock fellow, Mike Napoli, is running around with some X-rated movie Jezebel, Rachel Starr, and she's been in more than 100 naughty films, and - my God, Mr. Selig, have you ever seen those movies? Our church group has watched a bunch - somebody has to document this filth! - and I cannot even describe the goings on, except to say that if this is the moral standard of the Boston Redsocks, well, you have to do something!

Hello? Can anybody pick up the phone? Hello?

Well, Mr. Selig, I know you care about children, because you're fighting  that horrible A-Rod man. But you have to get involved. The integrity of the game is at stake. What messages are we sending the Little Leaguers? That they should take steroids and date porn stars? My God. I didn't even want to watch that Little League World Series, because that 6'2" boy - they claim he's 12 - well, he's probably on the phone right now, lining up a motel room with one of those Kardashian trollops.

Mr. Selig, please pick up the phone. Please, you gotta do- BEEEP

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